Develop credibility, humility, and a love of learning using a simple phrase

In the modern economy, expertise, skills and knowledge are some of the best measures of your competence. Many of us are afraid to admit whenever there's something we don't know. Despite that, one of the most important skills we need in the age of information is the ability to say "I don't know" both to ourselves and to others.

First, being able to admit that you don't know something forces you to stay humble. Being honest with yourself and others by saying "I don't know" means that you don't overstate your area(s) of expertise. This prevents you from receiving false recognition, which prevents arrogance and over-inflation of the ego.

Being able to say "I don't know" also keeps you curious and ready to learn. I'm not sure how most people are, but personally, if I'm asked a question and I don't know the answer, it bothers me. I want to find out the answer and look it up. That kind of behaviour develops curiosity and a love for learning new things. All because I admitted to myself and whoever is asking me a question that I don't know the answer.

Most importantly, in the long term, saying "I don't know" will keep you from losing credibility. There's always pressure to be a "subject matter expert", as well as the pressure to provide immediate answers without knowing what you're talking about. What will likely happen in this situation is that you'll give inaccurate information.  The person who receives that inaccurate information will make decisions, act on that information, and suffer the consequences.  When they do, you'll be blamed for their failure and be thought of as unreliable or worse, a liar.

Yes, it's important to be knowledgeable and skilled.  It's important to be able to answer questions about your field of expertise.  This is what competence in any field looks like. However, no matter how competent you are, there will always be something that you won't know. And that's all right. We're now in a world where almost all of human knowledge can be accessed almost instantaneously using a device in your pocket. You're better off saying "I don't know. I'll give you an answer as soon as I find out."

Failure IS an Option and Might be Your Best One (in some cases)

"Failure is not an option".

This is one of those cliché motivational quotes that you'll hear from sports, business and other fields.  I guess it's supposed to help drive people to succeed at whatever they're doing or something.  The truth is, for most of us living semi-comfortably, this adage is actually crap.

Of course, failure is an option.  It's not necessarily the one we want to pick most of the time, but it will always be one of your options. In fact, failing can be one of your best-case scenarios.

For one, the feeling that you get when you fail is terrible, especially the first time.  Learning how failure feels will make you be more prepared and work harder the next time you try, pushing you to succeed.

When stakes are relatively low, when you're trying to learn something, or when you're trying to innovate, failure is an important step. Failing gives you a chance to see what didn't work, why it didn't work and what changes are needed to make something succeed. This is a very important part of developing the white belt mentality required for continuous improvement in any field.

In a previous post, I've emphasized the importance of quitting. Another benefit of failing is that it can help you determine whether you need to readjust what you're doing or to quit altogether. Of course, this also requires an understanding of why you failed.

Yes, failing too often can be detrimental, especially when the stakes are high. However, if can react to failure the right way, you can use it to your advantage. What you don't want to do when you fail is to complain, blame others, avoid future challenges and adopt a victim, "woe is me" mentality. To benefit from failure, what you want to do when it happens is to get mad, maybe use a few expletives, then try to get better, and try harder.

Your New Year's Resolutions Suck and You'll Never Keep Them

It's January 1st again. So we're going to hear our friends and loved-ones make resolutions. We're going to see the social media "motivational" posts talking about their resolutions.  We've heard it all before (or read it on our friends' social media):

This year, I resolve to:

• lose weight
• be more positive
• make 'self-care' a priority
• save more money
• make more money
• cut out 'toxic' people
• eat more healthy
• drink less alcohol
• drink more water
• exercise more
• be more fit

There's nothing wrong with setting goals.  I admire and respect people who take the steps required to better themselves and their lives. The problem with resolutions is that most are not SMART.

They're not specific and extremely vague.  Success and progress are difficult to measure because most people don't give themselves the proper steps to take to get their goals.  Most resolutions makers can be so overly enthusiastic and motivated that the goals they set for themselves aren't achievable and realistic. Even if you measure your progress, you realize that you can't reach your lofty goal and you end up getting discouraged.

Of course, most people making resolutions don't give themselves a proper time frame to achieve and succeed. Meaning that because they don't give themselves deadlines, they end up simply meandering instead of achieving what they set out to do.

Aside from the quality of the resolutions, if you really thought that whatever you're resolving to do was important, you wouldn't be waiting for an arbitrary day of the year to start doing it.  You'd be working on that goal right now.  You would have made it a priority already and adjusted your habits accordingly.  You already would have been looking for ways to stay focused and disciplined to achieve your goals. You wouldn't be relying on "motivational" pictures and videos while going on social media to tell everyone that "New year, new me" will so totally happen in 2020.

Money Can Buy Happiness

Many of us who didn't grow up with a lot of money were always told that money won't buy happiness. I think in most cases it's said by our parents to try to shut us up when we were whining about not being able to afford the latest and greatest toys being shown on TV commercials.

Yes, it is true that having money to buy material luxuries won't necessarily make you happier. However, there are many things that you can buy with money that will contribute to your happiness.

Here are a few examples of how to use money to buy / increase your happiness.

The Basics
It's very difficult to admit how happy you are in life if you don't have the basic needs covered.  If you're unable to buy food, to afford a safe place to live, to pay for clothing, health care, electricity and heating for yourself and your family, I doubt very much that you'll consider yourself to be happy.  Money allows you to pay for those basic needs.

Not convinced?  In the next few weeks, when the bleakest part of winter comes and it's minus 20 degrees outside, there's over 30 cm of snow on the ground and the polar winds are making your face turn red, go find a homeless person sitting on the sidewalk in the cold.  Ask him or her if having some money so they can have a place to stay would make them happier.

Or simply take a look at any person who doesn't make enough money to pay for rent, groceries, electricity and other necessities.  They're up to their ears in debt to make ends meet.  We all know someone like this.  See how stressed out that person. Now think: how much happier they would be if they had just a little more money to get out of debt and pay all their bills on time.

Time

In a previous post, I wrote about not being able to earn more of time spent the same way you can do with money. However, if you have enough money, you can buy yourself more time to do the things that make you happy.

For example, with enough money, instead of spending hours doing laundry, cooking, cleaning my home and washing dishes, I could hire someone to do those chores. The time I saved can then be spent on fun activities with my wife, my friends and my family, thus making me happier.

Another example of this is bribing your way to the front of the line. Yes, it's a bit of a dick move and no, it's not fair to those who came in advance and waited. But hey, there's a certain feeling of satisfaction knowing that you've saved yourself some time and got what you needed faster by subtly slipping someone a folded up bill.

The ability to say "No" with little to no repercussions
This is also known as having "fuck you" money. The more money you have, the more you're able to refuse requests, orders and drudgery that, while lucrative, can be a detriment to your happiness.  Having "fuck you" money makes it easier for you to avoid lousy jobs with terrible hours, long commutes, and stressful environments.

It means you won't have to deal with bullying bosses or rude clients.  Having "fuck you" money means that you can afford to say no while using the corresponding expletives without the risk of putting yourself and your family in financial trouble.  All this while pursuing work that actually increases your overall happiness.

Acts of altruism
This is actually one of my favourite examples because of the "double-whammy" effect.  Recent economics and psychology studies show that people who donate money to charity and seeing the positive results of their donation end up feeling happier and feeling better about themselves.  So, not only are you helping people in need (thus allowing them to purchase "the basics" and increase their happiness), you're also making yourself happier in the process.

It doesn't even have to be charity.  Many of us have parents who have always wanted to take a dream vacation that they were never able to afford because they were trying to pay bills while raising us.  I'm sure that a lot of us, if we could afford it, would be more than happy to pay for that dream vacation of theirs.  In this case, not only would we make ourselves happier, people we love would be happier as well.

If that's not buying happiness with money, I don't know what is.

Final thoughts
If you've noticed, none of my examples of money buying happiness include buying mansions, fast cars, jewelry, the latest and greatest giant flat screen TV, the newest iPhone, etc.  Those are the things people first think of when they say "money doesn't buy happiness".  They're right.  Trying to buy and accumulate material possessions as a way to fill whatever emotional void you have is never going to work. You'll just end up being a hoarder with so much clutter in your home that you can barely move around in it.

Money CAN HELP make you happier by allowing you to gain experiences that others with less money won't get.  Having money gives you the option to say no to lucrative, but time-consuming and unnecessarily stressful endeavours.  Thus allowing you to spend your time on more enjoyable activities with people that you actually want to be with. 

Become Good at Saying No

If you've ever taken an Intro to Economics class, you would have probably heard of the concept of "Opportunity Cost". Briefly, the opportunity cost of making a choice are the missed benefits of choosing one alternative over another.

Because everyone has limited time, energy and resources, that means that when you agree to do something, you will miss out on other things. By saying "Yes" to do one thing, you're indirectly saying "No" to doing other things.

This is why one of the most important (and difficult) skills everyone needs to develop is how to say "No". Whether it's a business opportunity or friends and family members asking you to do them favours, you will receive requests that will require you to give up a combination of your time, energy and resources.

When thinking about saying "Yes" to any of these requests out of guilt, an unhealthy need to please others or perhaps a miscalculation of financial gain, remember what you're potentially giving up. Just ask yourself how much whatever you're being asked to commit to is going to cost in terms of your sanity, time away from loved ones, your physical health and/or your financial well-being. Then you'll realize why "No" can be one of the most valuable words in your vocabulary.

If Your Boss is an A**hole, Then We're All to Blame (Indirectly)

The same can also be said about your a**hole co-workers

It's almost stereotypical.  Some of you have even seen it in person: the executive or even a middle manager of an organization losing their temper.  There have been CEOs yelling, bullying, berating and being overall jerks to their employees.

A former, now deceased, CEO of one of the largest tech companies in the world (company name rhymes with "grapple") was notoriously aggressive at publicly berating employees who didn't "live up to his standards of quality".

You've also got managers who expect you to be constantly connected on weekends and holidays. They end up shaming you if front of your peers if you decide that you'd rather spend time with your family instead of answering the email they sent at 11:45pm.

Another famous CEO who runs the largest online store in the world (no, it's not Amazon) is making it a requirement for his employees to work from 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week. Anything less will get you shamed and fired, despite how well you perform while working less hours.

Yes, it's abusive behaviour.  Yes it creates a hostile work environment and a bullying company culture. It causes stress and burn out.

Guess what: we are all to blame for these terrible work environments. Here's why.

Admiration for "Getting Sh*t Done"

One of the problems is that humans as a society seem to have evolved to want to follow the alpha monkey as our leader. 

We end up admiring the conqueror (unless you're the one being conquered), the assertive/aggressive boss who won't let "useless processes" become roadblocks to their goals.  We like the person who isn't necessarily worried about hurting feelings or being a bully to "get the job done".  We see their seemingly demanding traits and interpret that as a leader having a high standard that we should all strive for.  

At the same time, we are captivated by a confident, charismatic public speaker who will be falsely self-deprecating to make themselves seem relatable and authentic. They make mild jokes in an attempt to get their employees to see how likeable they are when they're not being bullies.

To us, these characteristics are signs of the strong leader.   Incidentally, these are also some of the main characteristics found in clinical narcissists and sociopaths.  In any case, these are the kinds of traits that we like to see in our leaders.  

Because we, as a collective society and culture like those traits, people like that end up getting hired in those positions of power in the companies we work for.

The"Hustle Culture" Fetish

 
If you spend enough time following "entrepreneur", "motivational" and "influencer" accounts on social media, you'll see that a lot of them are posting about hustling and "rising and grinding".  It's not unusual to see these highly successful people showing videos and pictures of themselves getting up at 4:30am so that they can start lifting heavy kettlebells and running hill sprints.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with having goals and working hard to reach them.  I'm all for people wanting to work as hard as they want, as many hours as they need to feel great about themselves and to make their business successful.

The problem is that the constant stream of these social media posts has led to the creation of "hustle porn".  Hard work has become so fetishistic on social media that we as a society have come to admire the business leaders who get up early, work so hard late into the night on a daily basis to the point of burn out while wearing stress as a badge of honor.

The narcissist/sociopath business leader then sees this as an example to emulate, you know, because the Instagram post is getting so many likes.  And of course, if they're doing that, then they expect all of their employees to be "hustlers" as well.  It becomes inexcusable for employees to be unreachable on evenings and weekends because they want to spend time with their kids. In their minds, there's no excuse for being sick in bed not working because you can have a laptop or a smartphone with you on your bedside table.
Doing less is just being a lazy employee.

Overly Coddling Customers

In the end, all of these bullying behaviors stem from every businesses' fear of losing clients to the competition. As consumers, we've been spoiled to want every thing yesterday. If the toilet paper ordered online doesn't come within 24 hours, negative reviews get written and complaints are sent to customer service.

We as a society are all customers with these "immediate gratification" expectations at the lowest possible price from the businesses we patronize. Is it really a wonder that businesses then need to transfer that kind of pressure on business managers who in turn put pressure on their employees to deliver?  

In short, our attitudes as demanding, spoiled consumers who won't do anything inconvenient are partially to blame for our abusive bosses.  Instead of immediately writing a bad review or complaining to a manager because you received your double-shot grande caramel macchiato with soy milk 37 seconds longer than you expected, we need to take a step back and have a bit of perspective on how easy it is for us now to get whatever product product we want in the first place.