Feeling Insecure? Use the 8 Mile Method

A lot of problems, conflict, resentment and aggressive behaviour usually come from our own insecurities. We're all insecure about something because we're all flawed in one way or another as human beings.

Many of us feel afraid and insecure because we're afraid that at some point, those flaws of ours will be exposed and used against us. Some will use them to make us feel bad about ourselves. Others who are more Machiavellian will use those flaws and insecurities to manipulate us to their advantage.

So how do we avoid our insecurities getting the best of us? Use the "8 Mile" method.

In the movie 8 Mile, Eminem's character had to go through several rap battles where freestyle rappers try to get the best of their opponents by insulting them to a beat, as creatively as possible.  *Spoiler alert*:  At the end of the movie Eminem's character, at the final rap battle, decides to point out all of his own flaws in public. Basically, he dissed himself before his opponent could do it.  By doing that he took away any ammunition that his opponent could use against him.

The first step is to take an honest look at ourselves in both the literal and proverbial mirrors. That honest look will allow us to identify our flaws. This not only gives us the choice of doing something to get rid of those flaws and improve ourselves. It also allows us to accept the fact that we have said flaws and take ownership of them.

Once we accept that we have our flaws and we start owning them, (or better yet, we start working on eliminating those flaws), these insecurities will slowly start disappearing.

The Myth of "Easy"

We've all probably heard our friends, colleagues and family members say things that are similar to the following:

"It's easier to skip the gym and not exercise."

"It's easier to spend and not to save money."

"It's too difficult to stay disciplined when it comes to eating healthy."

"It's easier to goof off instead of going to school and to learning a skill."

"It's difficult to get up and go to work. I'd rather sleep in and call in sick."

"It's easier to use an app to get McDonald's delivered to my door than to go grocery shopping and cooking myself a healthy meal."

"It's easier to plop on the couch next to my significant other and watch Netflix instead of taking the time to sit down and have a conversation."

In the short term, sure the examples above may seem like the "easier" options. I would make the argument that if you look at the long term, going for the "difficult" options are actually what will make your life easier in the future.

Here are a few examples:

What's easier? Regularly exercising to strengthen your body or being so weak in your old age that you're living in constant fear of falling down and not being able to get up?

What's easier? Eating a serving of vegetables at each meal, or having to go a doctor because you're so constipated that you've only pooped once in the last 3 days?

What's easier? Getting up and going to school and/or work every day or being homeless at 60 years old?

What's easier? Delaying that major purchase to put money away for your retirement or being in your 70s and not having enough money to buy both food AND medication?

What's easier?  Making the effort to have small, meaningful, daily conversations with your significant other or going through divorce proceedings?

What's easier?  Going to school and getting an education or being unable to pay your bills because you can't get a job due to your lack of credentials and training?

Sure, some of these examples are maybe a bit extreme or "strawman-ish" but you get the idea. A lot of what we're doing (or not doing) in the short term might feel like the "easier" thing to do, but if you take a long term look, what we're actually doing is choosing to make our life harder in the long term.  So the next time you hear your inner voice telling you to take the easy path, just ask yourself, if it really is easier in the long run.

How to Stay "Motivated"

Just to be clear I'm not a fan of "motivation" to help someone stick to whatever activity it is that they want to stick to.  Motivation can be OK to get you started but not really the best at getting you going when things get difficult.  Discipline and having an overall view of why you're doing something will always be better than looking at motivational quotes and videos on social media.

That said, for those who really want to stay "motivated", I would say that the best way is to constantly look for what you're not good at and finding ways to improve it.  Set an achievable goal and work on that weakness.

Let's take martial arts as an example.  If you think that you've gotten good at punches, make a goal to make your kicks better.  From that goal you can pick an aspect of kicking that you can improve.  You can try to improve your hip mobility and leg flexibility to kick higher; or maybe try to improve the speed of your kicks; or develop the reaction time to use your kicks as intercepting counter-attacks; or make the accuracy of your kicks better.

You get the idea.  The point is, be honest with yourself and find out what your weaknesses are. Then set a goal to improve on those weaknesses by breaking them up in smaller sub-goals.  Completing those smaller tasks will help you see that you're progressing and the pursuit of those "small wins" can be very helpful in keeping someone motivated.

Your New Year's Resolutions Suck and You'll Never Keep Them

It's January 1st again. So we're going to hear our friends and loved-ones make resolutions. We're going to see the social media "motivational" posts talking about their resolutions.  We've heard it all before (or read it on our friends' social media):

This year, I resolve to:

• lose weight
• be more positive
• make 'self-care' a priority
• save more money
• make more money
• cut out 'toxic' people
• eat more healthy
• drink less alcohol
• drink more water
• exercise more
• be more fit

There's nothing wrong with setting goals.  I admire and respect people who take the steps required to better themselves and their lives. The problem with resolutions is that most are not SMART.

They're not specific and extremely vague.  Success and progress are difficult to measure because most people don't give themselves the proper steps to take to get their goals.  Most resolutions makers can be so overly enthusiastic and motivated that the goals they set for themselves aren't achievable and realistic. Even if you measure your progress, you realize that you can't reach your lofty goal and you end up getting discouraged.

Of course, most people making resolutions don't give themselves a proper time frame to achieve and succeed. Meaning that because they don't give themselves deadlines, they end up simply meandering instead of achieving what they set out to do.

Aside from the quality of the resolutions, if you really thought that whatever you're resolving to do was important, you wouldn't be waiting for an arbitrary day of the year to start doing it.  You'd be working on that goal right now.  You would have made it a priority already and adjusted your habits accordingly.  You already would have been looking for ways to stay focused and disciplined to achieve your goals. You wouldn't be relying on "motivational" pictures and videos while going on social media to tell everyone that "New year, new me" will so totally happen in 2020.